some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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