Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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