Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize