I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dick very happy bro
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
