So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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