giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
