Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize