..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
