so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
