all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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