I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
