what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
