Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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