Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
