i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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