i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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