There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
