thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
