My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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