so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
