I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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