Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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