Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
