We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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