Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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