Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dignity is for republicans.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
