Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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