I will die if light touches me.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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