So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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