I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
