If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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