my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
