Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love having hate sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize