Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
