Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
