Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
