From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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