Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
