Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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