he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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