You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
