so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
