my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
