if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
