btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he's gonorrhea incarnate
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
