In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
