oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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