You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh god it's open bar.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
