my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
