So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
