come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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