i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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