Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
