I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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