I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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