I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i dont even know how to be here
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
