direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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