And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
