there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
