Jerry, you need to find god
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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