Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
