I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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